When Snow Attacks

If you’ve ever seen the Disney movie Mulan, you understand how to start an avalanche in order to sweep away an angry horde of invading Mongolians: fire a rocket at a nearby snow-covered mountain, preferably one that looks like the Matterhorn. If you haven’t seen the movie, know this: snow cannot hold back an angry horde of invading Mongolians. They pop out of the snow like daisies. By the way, I do not own any children (despite all of the tax breaks you supposedly get for them), but my wife makes up for that with her Disney movies.
Despite Disney’s penchant for reflecting reality, most people do not pop out of avalanche snow like daisies. Unfortunately, avalanches claim the lives of many people every year, whether skiing, snowboarding or even snowmobiling. It is important to understand the dangers of an avalanche and know what to do in order to survive in the event that you are caught up in one.
If I recall correctly (and I rarely do), there is a Warren Miller film in which a man is skiing down a steep mountainside and triggers an avalanche. (As a side note, Warren is much better at portraying reality than Disney.) Now what do you suppose the skier did? He simply rode that wave of snow like a surfer until he arrived at the bottom of the mountain. He disappeared from time to time on his wild ride, but always managed to surface again. The point is he tried to stay ahead of the snow, going the same direction as the avalanche. Had he turned to face it, he would have been quickly buried. Luckily for him, the avalanche wasn’t grown-up yet, it was just a baby and so he was able to easily deal with the powder coming down. So lesson #1: Go with the flow and ride those baby avalanches!
There is another film, which I cannot recall as correctly, but it involves an avalanche and a big silver bubble. I believe it is a James Bond film. Someone out there knows what I’m writing about. We’ll all just pretend like I’m 100% sure it’s a James Bond film. As the avalanche engulfs James, he pushes a button somewhere on his body, probably his watch, and a bubble inflates and creates a little sphere of protection amidst the rushing snow. I think the bubble comes fully outfitted with a female companion too. I’m not completely sure, but somehow James Bond always ended up with a woman inside of whatever he was trapped in. So lesson #2: Hire an inventor to make you an avalanche proof-bubble to keep you safe until help arrives, and make sure the bubble comes equipped with a man or woman, depending on preference, to keep you company while you wait.
I’m going to refer back to Mulan for the last lesson. Shoot rockets at the snow and you could start an avalanche. Touch the snow just right and you could start an avalanche. It’s pretty hard to tell whether snow on a mountain is waiting for a skier to enjoy its powder or ready to turn itself into a force to be reckoned with. So lesson #3: Learn to read a snowy mountainside’s moods, or just wait for Avalanche Control to come through with their rockets and knock the nasty stuff down for you!
And finally, lesson #4: Knowledge is power. Forget almost everything I just mentioned in the previous lessons. Movies are not always the best way to learn how to survive certain situations in life. I hope I’m not bursting anyone’s bubble here. If you do plan on enjoying the tranquility and beauty of the mountains, make sure you’re not going to wish you had hired that inventor to provide your anti-avalanche device. There are various websites that can provide you with information on avalanche conditions. Try http://utahavalanchecenter.org/education/faq for some good insight. For the most part, it is impossible to stay ahead of an avalanche. Avalanche snow can travel at speeds of 60-80 mph. Remember to “Know Before You Go,” as the Avalanche Control Center says, and avoid snow when it decides to attack.