Gardening

If you’ve been outside lately, you may have exposed yourself to a very contagious condition and not even known it. Symptoms of this highly communicable disease include: rummaging through all the crap you acquired over the last year and haphazardly throwing most of it away; commanding your kids to do random chores around the house, like cleaning the windows or mowing the lawn; and digging up earth and throwing plant seeds in the ground, hoping that the seeds will grow into something edible later on in the year. Yes, Spring Fever is in the air, and no, that’s not what’s giving the air its distinct aroma. That’s Farmer Joe spreading manure over his fields. Many of the symptoms of Spring Fever are tiresome and depressing (mostly the ones that include cleaning things), but planting seeds in the ground can be fun and rewarding. If you haven’t started yet, this week would be a great time to start a garden.
You may be one of the “lucky” people with so much yard you don’t know what to do with it (other than make your children mow it every week), and I envy you for that. My yard is quite small, and in the backyard, trees block most of the sunlight during the day. This year, most of my garden will be in pots. That way I don’t have to dig up my front yard, where the sun does shine. Plus, if any of the plants need more or less sun, I can simply relocate the pot. My wife and I are growing tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, and cilantro this year. It’s not a lot, but every little bit helps. There’s nothing like tasting fresh food that you picked a few seconds ago off a plant you helped grow, and then realizing that it cost you a fraction of the price you would have paid at the grocery store.
Gardens are fun to watch as the different plants increase in size. I’ve often heard that you should talk to your plants to help them grow bigger, but beware! Don’t give your fruits and vegetables names; it’s that much harder to harvest and eat them. Besides talking to your plants, I’ve also heard that using metal in the garden (i.e. wire tomato cages, metal bean poles) can actually increase productivity. It’s called “electroculture” and it’s based on the fact that plants respond positively to electric currents. Placing metal in your garden can help attract electricity in the air, which will not only reanimate monsters named Frankenstein, but also boost your plants’ desire to provide you with more food. Cool, huh?
Science has always fascinated me, especially when I was a young boy. What didn’t fascinate me as a young boy was picking weeds. It may be hard to believe, but I am still not fascinated with having to rip something out of the ground that I swear I just ripped out two days ago. Weeds are the bane of any green thumb’s aspirations. Fortunately, science has made it easier and easier to rid our gardens and lawns of those pesky plants that can steal water and nutrients away from our precious fruits and vegetables. Some herbicides can target only weeds, saving you time and effort. Hooray for weed killer! Be careful to follow the instructions on the herbicide’s container, though, as too much of a good thing can end up killing more than just weeds.
I hope you enjoy this spring season despite some of the crazier side effects of Spring Fever. I wish you joy as you watch plants begin to sprout and then grow leaves and then start forming small likenesses of various fruits and vegetables. The only people I must withhold that joy from are the zucchini-growers. If I receive another box-load of zucchini on my porch this year, I’m going to do something drastic, like make bread out of it and then feed it to my dogs! Okay, maybe I won’t go that insane, but try leaving something different on my porch this year, like potatoes, or carrots, or even a big-screen TV that you decided you didn’t need during one of your spring cleaning flings. Thanks!