Recipe for Disaster

Recipe for Disaster:

1 Mountainous Snowpack Base

1 Unexpected Winter Storm

A Handful of Humans

Various Sports Equipment and Machinery

Instructions:

Bake mountainous snowpack base with a sun for two to three weeks. Allow snowpack to begin melting and flowing into nearby streams and rivers.

Call weatherman and request that he or she withhold any information about possible upcoming winter storms. Allow winter storm to hit and cover up the already melting snowpack.

Sprinkle a handful of humans on the white, fluffy stuff that the winter storm leaves behind and make sure they have plenty of sports gear (i.e. snowshoes, snowmobiles, skis, snowboards, etc.).

Sit back and wait a few hours. You will know that the recipe is a success if avalanches occur every so often. Feel free to dig the humans out of the snow whenever necessary and place them back on the new snow for more fun.

This recipe is extremely hard to complete without god-like powers. Luckily for me, a friend of mine refers to me as “the god of snow,” because I relish in crazy winter storms like the one we experienced on Monday. I find it interesting to observe how different people react in harsh weather, and weather doesn’t get much harsher in Utah than blizzards. Most people almost completely ignore the obvious signs that driving conditions are not safe by continuing to drive freeway speeds, or faster, on the freeways. There are even a few extremely delusional people who refuse to believe that it is cold outside and so they wear shorts everywhere. Several people have heard stories of the mythical creatures, Avalanches, and think they are simply bedtime stories meant to scare children.

Well, let me inform you: Avalanches are real, and there are only a few people who have encountered them and lived to tell the tale. And trust me, you don’t want to be one of those people. An Avalanche can literally swallow you up in a matter of seconds, and once you’re within its belly you’ve got a very short time before it freezes you in preparation for digestion.

As I’ve provided you with a recipe for disaster at the beginning, I’ll give you another recipe here at the end. One which can easily be performed by a human.

Recipe for Avoiding Death and Playing It Safe:

1 Healthy Dose of Common Sense

1 Buddy

1 Supply Pack

1 Hot-Air Blow Dryer

1 Really, Really, Really, Really Long Extension Cord

Instructions:

Apply common sense as needed.

Take buddy with you wherever you go. Two sets of eyes are always better than one.

Supply pack should be filled to the brim with life-saving equipment: first aid items; compass; one of those weird, shiny silver blankets; flares; pocket knife; rope; other items you feel could be helpful in a bad situation.

If there is room in your pack, go ahead and throw in the blow dryer and extension cord (the cord could double as your rope if it’s sturdy enough). In the event that an Avalanche decides to attack, plug in the hot-air blow dryer and hope that you can melt the enveloping snow before it completely engulfs you.

You will know this recipe is successful if you avoid death while enjoying winter activities.