Water Water Everywhere

Gardening stores in Utah are offering a new product this year to complement the extremely wet weather we’ve been experiencing: rice. That’s right. Rice. Forget your hardy vegetables that will grow with minimal water, like zucchini; start a rice paddy in your very own backyard! And with the way wet weather is running amok across the United States, we may never need to import a single grain of rice again. Hooray! Seriously, though, some of you may be ready to give up on trying to enjoy any sort of spring planting, because the river that borders your property has found every hole in your fence and exploited it. And nevermind about any outdoors activities, unless you enjoy being cold and wet and muddy.

Water is an amazing force. Much of our unique and beautiful landscape here in Utah was formed by water. If water were a person, it would typically be stereotyped as the “strong, silent type.” Every now and again it enters a rage that can only be quelled by allowing it to run its course, as in the case of a tsunami or flash flood. Water is a master deceiver. It wants you to believe that it is calm and inviting on the surface, but sometimes that welcoming appearance conceals a violent undercurrent or writhing sea serpent.

Right now it’s pretty easy to gauge water’s mood based on the rivers: it’s angry and fed up with being confined between two boring banks. The rivers of our great nation have united and started a revolution. They’re not content to be meandering entities that stay within their allotted boundaries anymore. They’ve seen how the water over in Japan has wreaked havoc and they want to become larger bodies of water in order to wield a similar power. Don’t worry, though, it’s a phase and the rivers will become peaceful in a short while.

Like any revolution, water has demonstrated how a seemingly harmless thing can become a force to be reckoned with. Instead of fighting back, we humans typically try to take defensive measures by sandbagging and diverting the flow of water to avoid major damage to structures. Taking the offensive doesn’t make much sense when trying to contain a raging river. All we can do is try to prevent flooding, and if that fails, stay out of the way and let the water calm itself down.

Some people see a river that is extremely angry and think, “This is the perfect time to ride an inner tube down that river. It’s like a rollercoaster, except I don’t have to pay!” Unfortunately, there sometimes is a price and it’s usually that person’s life. Rivers practice their own brand of watery deception: the playful kind. The rapids on top simply look like they’d provide an excellent adventure, but an undercurrent, fast-floating debris, and shallow or sharp rocks can quickly change an adventure into a life-and-death struggle.

Many of our rivers here in Utah are becoming quite unruly, so be extremely careful around them. Luckily for us, they can’t smell or sense fear, so they won’t specifically target you; on the other hand, though, they lash out indiscriminately and all it takes is for you to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unless you’re helping set up defensive structures, it’s probably best to stay away from the angry rivers. And while you’re staying away from the furious flows, allow yourself a smile and think about all the money you’re going to save this year on rice. Hope you’ve stocked up on soy sauce!